Beautiful Heartbreak

Beautiful= very pleasing or satisfying. 

Heartbreak= Overwhelming distress, great sorrow.

Beautiful Heartbreak seems a little paradoxical but things song ties the two words together. 

It's been on repeat lately because well I feel like it tells the story of my life.

Here are some of my favorite set of lyrics (I would paste all of them, but it's quite lengthy and I have thoughts to go along with it.

Every fear, every doubt, 
All the pain I went through; 
Was the price that I paid to see this view; 
And now that I'm here I would never trade... 

The grace that I feel, 
And the faith that I find; 
Through the bitter-sweet tears, 
And the sleepless nights; 

I used to pray he'd take it all away, 
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak. 

The last 5 years have taught me a lot. I had my life planned out after graduation and knew exactly how it would be. I've been graduated for 5 years now and nothing is like I thought it would be. 

Is it better? Probably. It isn't exactly what I wanted, but if I had gotten what I wanted I wouldn't be the person I am today. I would NEVER want to take back the experiences the last 5 years. 

Like the lyrics, every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through was worth it. 

It has taught me things I'd never dreamed of learning. I've come to rely more on the Savior and trust in Him and his plan for me. 

The last few months have really shown me that as things that brought my heartache have turned into something beautiful, not even necessarily for me, but for others. In a way that makes it even better knowing that it's brought someone else happiness. It's just been such a great reminded that the Lord knows me and everyone else in the world. He knows what and who we need and how to get us there.

Recently one of my friends has been struggling with a guy who just keeps pushing and pulling to get her to be his girlfriend. So she sent me an email telling me what she said to him asking if it was okay. This is a little exert from it. It might sound weird and there is a background story, but this girl benefitted from my heartbreak. Seeing her this happy makes it all okay and worth it.

God has to play a part. God will place people in your life that will help you learn the lessons that will help mold you into what god knows you can become. Just because you feel god has put a person in your life does not mean they should be your eternal companion.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. all our trials and tribulations help us grow into what god wants us to be. all of our experiences prepare us for what is coming up. I am seeing this a lot in my life right now. I have met someone who is changing my life. and i feel like my past experiences/relationships have led me to him. yes it was very unexpected but that is what helps me realize the lord's hand in it all. I went to california hoping for a great time with chanel and looking forward to some relaxation. after a slight turn of events one thing lead to another and I found what could possibly be something not just good but something great. But I did not lead myself there. I wasn't really sure about going to cali but I had a very strong feeling that I should go feeling like I may never have another time in my life to just get away for two weeks. then chanel suggested we make a few changes in our plans and i felt really good about it so i went along. I am being reminded what real love is and that it is not about how you play the game. it is about how you live your life so that Heavenly father can lead you where you need to be. Heavenly Father knows what and who is best for you. Trust in him and follow his promptings and you will find what your heart truly desires. 

 I know that my past experiences and relationships have placed me where I am today. They are preparing me for the wife, mother, and woman in the church I will be. Sometimes they are really hard and I hate them in that moment, but when the worst is over and I look back at where I was before and where I am now I am SO THANKFUL for it. Also it just makes my happy moments that much better, since I've tasted the bitter, the sweet is just that much sweeter. 

So bring it on. :)