Sunday, August 12, 2012

Best part of this weekend.
I felt like myself again.
It's kind of a weird thing to try and explain.
Can anyone relate to feeling like when you graduate from High School you lose yourself trying to find yourself and sometimes when you find yourself you realize that a lot of the way you were before was really you? Does that long run on sentence make sense?
A few examples.
I ran into an old friend that I hadn't really talked to in probably 2 years and when he saw me he couldn't stop telling me how different I sounded and looked. I asked him what it was and he said that the Chanel he knew before was kind of quiet reserved, seemed more sad, but that now I was really happy and more alive. When I hear that I remember how I was always like that in high school. Maybe it was the comfort of my best friends and feeling accepted by them so I was just always happy and myself and then once that relationship was lost (to an extent) I became withdrawn because I was insecure with who I was. I was still finding myself outside of high school. Just a thought.
I hate being cold and I don't like swimming. So I surprised myself on a hike when I got into a freezing cold glacier made lake and didn't hate it. I later jumped into a water hole (in a creek that was run off from previous glacier made lake) multiple times and didn't even feel cold and miserable like I usually would.
That night I went to a swim party.
I was kind of nervous to go. I don't typically go to these things and enjoy myself, at least not in the last few years.
So I envisioned myself being that quiet withdrawn person that just kind of stood awkwardly next to people that I don't really know because I didn't want to make a fool of myself playing water polo, or was cold and just wanted to get out of the pool instead of participate.
But I was the complete opposite.
I was the one that got water polo set up. I was right there swimming from side to side trying to steal the ball, or trying to make goals. I even tried stealing a ball from a guy and ended up being in the middle of like a 5 person tug of war over this ball. And I was one of the only girls actually playing. I saw so many others playing the role I thought I would play.
After water polo I then got a game started on the swinging ball and again was the only girl playing.
After we finished swimming I was like WHO THE HECK ARE YOU. 
Then I got like the best compliment on our hike the next day. 
I was running down summit with 2 guys just joking around and having a great time when one of them turned to me and was like "Chanel you are just a firecracker of energy!"
I felt so alive in that moment. So like myself.
Years ago my family saw me as this girl who just loved life and everything it had to offer.
I really feel like I lost that part of me over the last few years and have slowly been gaining it back. 
I feel like I'm getting back to that girl who just loves having a good time and has endless energy (unless I've been playing all day and it's now past midnight, I just want to sleep then. Even the energizer bunny has to recharge at some point I'm sure!)
Anyway, in short, this was probably one of the best weekend I've had in a while.
 I laughed more, lived more, and loved more. 
(A touch cliche but true)




2 comments:

Boy said...

It's good to find yourself. Sometimes finding yourself, again.
You've inspired me!

Kristen said...

Chanel! I loved this post so much! I've been trying to find the time to comment on it, sorry for taking so long!

I completely know how it feels to feel like you've lost yourself after high school. Haha, we should have became friends sooner and we could have helped each out. This post made me so happy to read because I totally know what you're saying, even if it's a complicated thing to describe.

So glad to hear you tore up the pool party, I was so sad to miss it.

Sounds like you had an amazing summer! Make it turn into an amazing fall and winter and spring and .. haha you get it.